So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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