Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Pants are for mortals
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