We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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