I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
