Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
