so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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