the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
