Rock
Scissors
Fuck
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
