just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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