He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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