We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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