Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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