at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
