she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
