you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
