we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
