i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
