It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
