Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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