making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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