Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
