I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
