just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
