i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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