I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
