Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
