this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
