I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
