If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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