so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
