does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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