we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
