dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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