last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
