therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
