I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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