you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
