good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
