she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
