He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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