apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
