Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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