i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
