i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
