i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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