We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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