never play flip cup with pint glasses
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
