Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
