now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
