I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
