Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
