i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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