Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Pooping to opera.
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