Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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