I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
