walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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