i would punch a child for taco bell
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
