she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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